The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
