you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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