if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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