Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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