Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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