Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
