We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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