I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize