I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
