I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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