youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
