i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
