Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
