Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
