Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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