they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
