matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
