wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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