he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
