Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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