Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
