How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
