I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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