just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
