What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
