I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You were trust falling into bushes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
