Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
