Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
