Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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