i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
bring money and cleavage
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
