i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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