If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
