Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
