I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
