I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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