You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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