What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Still dying that you shit outside
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
