i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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