Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
