Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
