things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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