I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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