If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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