so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just had sex bonerless
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
