"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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