Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
