that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
