I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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