What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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