Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
