I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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