those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
