I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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