then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
