is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize