im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
