he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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