nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
