Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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