Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
