So drunk, too bad you don't want this
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
