I need help removing her.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
